How does one honestly stop taking this game so seriously on both sides?
Ever since I've started playing Dead by Daylight, i have the really bad habit of taking the game so seriously and taking everything that happens in a match to heart if i ever go against toxic survivors or toxic killers and i just blindly assume that everyone that plays this game is toxic or has beef against me if i have one negative experience against another player if they are tunneling me or tea bagging against me as a survivor and if i have a bad match as killer or survivor then i just quickly assume that I'm just terrible at the game and i'll never improve, i just constantly worry about every match and look at the negatives instead of the positives, how do i stop taking this game so seriously?
Comments
On how not to take the game seriously there is a few thoughts on this.
"It's a game don't take video games seriously" is one, but at the same time I've seen people say this using it as an attack.
"Don't focus straightly on the outcome" is another. Focus on improving, small goals are the best for this. "My goal for this match is try to do X and see if it helps with my chase"
The third
"Focus on what you enjoy" if something makes you giggle, do it. The only rules you should be following is the games rules and your own self imposed ones. If The Slasher is fun go for it. If the killer gets upset over you running blastmine? That's on them.
The one I use is small goals for improving.
From killer perspective: try to see your matches in a group, not isolated. I had days were i had 10 wins and i was very bitter for one loss. Its hard to say "its just a game, don't bother" because i can understand why we get envolved when we put time and energy into something.
Most of the time survivors aren't being toxic, they are just trying to get into your mind. Think about this provocation as mindgame which you shouldn't fall for.
As playing survivor, if you are playing SoloQ there is so many things out of your control that you shouldn't bother with win or losses - althought this is not an easy task.
Dbd is quite a hard game to master. Keep playing to enjoy the game and you will get better overtime.
Only play if you actually wanna play. I simply play the game very rarely during 2v8, because i dont enjoy the gameplay loop as much and queue times are pretty insane.
Thats the only way to stop taking the game too serious.
Literally just prioritize you and remember its just a game, theres no real stakes.
Im not saying don't have some empathy, but just keep it to where its basic decency levels. The other people are strangers and if they're being ******** over a game…why should you care what they say? Easier said than done, but thats how me and my brothers go apathetic.
I was also taking the game too seriously to the point that I was raging when I didn't get kills or didn't escaped.
Now I just simply don't care if I lose or win a match, I just move to the next one and if I don't have fun or I'm tired, then I'm just simply closing the game and do something else.
I guess for me it's just simply come from age when I stopped taking the game seriously.
It’s a mindset change that isn’t specific to DbD but to anything competitive. I’m a very competitive person by nature, and in my younger years I would get really bent out of shape whenever I lost at anything or when any sports team that I root for would lose. As I grew up, developed a career and started a family, I began to realize how meaningless competitive games are compared to other things in life that are far more important. That really helped me handle losing far more maturely.
I guess my best advice would be to find other more meaningful things in life outside of DbD or video games in general that you can pour your passion into. That doesn’t mean stop playing (I certainly haven’t stopped, although I don’t play nearly as much as I used to), but I really think it will help you handle losing far better. It certainly did for me.
Find the happiness on things you do in the match not in the end result. I play this game for fun and if I would only get fun out of the game from winning it would be the most horrible experience. Like games are meant to entertain and help the person to unwind. Like stressing over a video game is so pointless in the end its a game enjoy the journey not the end result.
A lot of positive & constructive mindsets in this thread ngl.
I guess whatever happened to you, can happens to everyone else.
Take breaks and play other games instead of hoping next match will be better. If you get into negative mindset but keep playing it's harder to get out of it. If you take a break and play something else you can come back when you have a better mindset.
In regards to toxicity, take it from someone who loves trash talking—the person on the other side of the screen forgets about you immediately and they never truly cared to begin with. People act out to get under your skin in the heat of a moment. They don't care or think about how bad or good you are. They won't even remember the match tomorrow. Control your own views and forget theirs. Focus on the absurdity of people saying insane things or how comical BMing looks. None of it is real or serious. The only thing worth remembering is the non-toxic people and the good encounters. I've had many considerate killers and cute survivors, and I try to be the same. I've had nice exchanges in chat too. Plenty of well-meaning people are out there. They aren't all toxic.
As for the winning and losing aspect, that's a personal hurdle people have to face. At the end of the day it's just a game and it has no weight in your life at all. No one in the whole world cares how good or bad you are at this video game.
i play to win and i like winning the problem is after i lose i keep going then see patterns in survivor players. it's kind of rare for me to get a toxic killer and i just go on my phone or watch something on my second monitor if they decide to slug and hump or something
but toxic survivors i just cope
for me, although it's getting harder to do this as the games freedom of expression gets narrower and narrower, I prefer to play killers in a way that makes sense for that killer lorewise… IDC about my killrate although doing this tends to land my killrate around 65%
Playing survivor is always casual, I just want a "running from a slasher" experience, which is why the endorsement of toxic mechanics has ruined the game for me recently but if you're intent to play and generally not take things serious just find what appeals to you… a lot of the larger survivor CCs are just doing some random nonsense most of the time which seems to help.
Taking things seriously is naturally important, and it is precisely when we engage earnestly that our deepest emotions are moved. Every feeling—joy, anger, sadness, and pleasure—holds value, and over time we learn how to face and process them.
At the same time, fully enjoying life requires reading the room—knowing when to be serious and when to let loose and go with the flow. If someone acts foolishly while everyone else is focused and taking a situation seriously, they will simply be seen as out of touch and ignored. The reverse is also true: being overly serious when everyone else is trying to relax and have fun can kill the mood just as easily. Finding this balance, too, is something we learn over time through experience.
I can certainly understand feeling that a match was great even if it ended in defeat. However, putting aside casual custom matches with friends, is there really anyone playing against unknown opponents who holds back just to read the room, actually wanting to lose from the very beginning? (Perhaps such people do exist, if they simply view it as a particular playstyle or just another way to enjoy the game.)
If losing is inevitable, I simply want to be a good loser rather than a bad one.
Since this is ultimately a difference in perspective, I hope you can understand that some people view things this way.
Honesty? Accept the game as it is; nothing changes according to your feelings, even in real life.
In any online game, there will always a toxic and bullying players; there's no escaping that. They'll never care about how you feel; all they want is to provoke you and see your reaction. You need to detach yourself from the character you're playing.
When you feel overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated, this is a red line and you should leave the game and rest yourself. Your mental health is more important than the game.
Just always remember, whether you were provoked in the game and got very angry and failed to get revenge on those players, or even succeeded in getting revenge on them, this will not really change anything. It is a match that has ended and you will move on to another match as if nothing happened, so why even stress yourself out in the first place?
You are like a cup of water over a flame—where the fire represents anger and pressure. The more seriously you take the game, the hotter the flame burns, until the water boils over and harms everything around it, even yourself. The true strength isn't about enduring the boil; it's about knowing how to turn down the heat, controlling yourself, controlling your emotions.
My favourite thing to do is have music on at a low volume in the background if I'm playing either side, or would play surv with mates. And honestly, just play how you want to play. If you want to tunnel, camp, slug or whatever, do it. At the end of the day you can and will improve. When starting dbd I was shite. Couldn't play killer at all, so I mostly stuck with survivor. Eventually, I started practising Nurse and now she's my main if I'm playing 2v8 or 1v4.
What doesn't help is the community can be pretty toxic. Which makes the game unwelcoming. If you're comfortable with it, one thing you can look for is LFGs on DBD's discord. You can join any avaliable parties if anyone is hosting, which could make playing feel a bit more relaxed instead of having randoms.
Remind yourself that it's just a game. Your performance is not a reflection of you as a person, and your opponents don't know you from a bar of soap. They've likely forgotten about you as soon as they click Continue, and you should forget about them in turn. No one's gonna be at your funeral in the far future talking about how good or bad you were at Dead by Daylight. It's meant to just be an enjoyable way of passing time. Once you realize how insignificant it really is, then you stop caring about all that stuff.
For me gaining experience helped. I have so many hours now that I can just accept bad matches happening the way I couldn't before. Still at times I take the game very seriously. Im just more numb to it and the toxicity. Ofcourse if someone is toxic I do usually respond but as I go next match I already have forgotten them.
Focus on what you can control. You can't make other players play the way you'd like, so accept how they play and work on your own game. Turn off chat. It's optional, and there's no reason to spend energy on a random stranger who can't control their emotions.
Every match is a learning opportunity. I never play perfectly, and if I did, I'd quit. I've played over 6k games of survivor and have never once told myself I was tunneled or camped. My focus is on looping the killer as long as possible, dying in the best spot I can, and learning the maps better. Anyone typing "tunnel," "camp," or "gen rush" isn't worth taking seriously, because complaining about how the other side plays teaches you nothing.
The most toxic part of the game for me is watching streamers get flooded with horror stories about how "mean" the other side is. The side playing most aggressively usually wins, and it's your job to adapt and play your best. Change your mindset and you'll be a lot happier.
If you get urge to type or get angry know you are tried or played to long and just go to sleep. I've woken up embarrassed many times b/c I played way to long and my last few sessions I recall breaking down to type nonsense.
This is just a recreational video game. It doesn't mean anything if you win or lose, unless you're trying for an adept or a particular challenge and even then if you fail you can always try again.
For your average games you can go in thinking "I want to try to have fun" rather than "I want sweat hard and try to win." I find that really helps me have a clearer head and a more enjoyable time playing DbD. As survivor if I have a good chase, just one good chase I've "won" even if the killer sends be into the Entity's claws. On killer if I get 6+ hooks or pulled off something cool I've "won" even if I don't get a kill. We all end up back at the campfire no matter what happens.
It's like playing cards or a board game with family and/or friends. It's something to pass the time, entertain everyone and it doesn't matter who wins as long as everyone has fun.
my thoughts..
there's one type of person in this world that views everything as a competition. literally, they view everything in life as a competition. and they literally can't see a world where things aren't a competition. psychologists have given these people a name you've probably heard before - narcissists. narcissists equate the outcome of everything with their own self-worth. and they believe there are only winners and losers in life. they don't see an in-between. basically, on some primal too they view themselves more as a quality than as a person. this is important. you're not a quality. you're a person. and the people you play against are not simply qualities either. a narcissist isn't capable of understanding this. and sometimes even non-narcissists, when we are losing at something, we start falling into how a narcissist always feels. a narcissists always feels like a sore loser. and that explains most of why they act and behave the way they do. imagine if you just felt that way all the time about everything, what a horrible life.
so have empathy for yourself, have empathy for the people you're playing with. this is something narcissists simply aren't capable of ever doing. know that the outcome of any game or situation says nothing about who you are, and nothing about your opponent either. it's just a game that you're supposed to be having fun with. it's not something that is supposed to define you.
Quit.
I enjoy MOBAs, but they have a tendency to develop into habits for me. And when they become habits, you play them a lot and thus get invested. Usually, your enjoyment from it also gradually declines, which lets frustrations take over.
So I quit. And then months or years later, I can pick it up again and get into it kinda fresh, and the cycle repeats.
I used to have this issue, two major ways I changed it.
First was to change my outlook, approach every match expecting a loss. As survivor this was easier since survs tend a die a lot, if dying was the expected outcome it lessened how frustrated I got. It's harder with killer, but as a rule usually I'm happy with at least 1 kill. And 0k games are usually such a landslide I can tell part way through if it's likely to happen and i just kind of let go.
Second was realising that oddly enough, not that many players intend to be toxic. Dbd is a pretty intense game and people will do stuff on the spot that may seem like toxicity but really is just a reaction to the stress in the moment. I make a habit of messaging ppl/jumping in streamers chats after match to say gg and compliment them for something they did well in the match, and usually the response is pretty decent. You get the odd salty troll but most people respond well. It helps I'm on console and not exposed to endgame chat, immediately after the match is when feelings are highest so people usually just vent.
On Suvivor side, I focus on the micro plays. Escaping is an afterthought. If I can run a good chase or save a teammate,, it's a GG.
On Killer, I just chill and try to make good plays. Don't really worry much about gens, just practice efficient chases and getting better with Killer's I like. When you get better in chase, everything else falls into place.
A good tip is to change your win condition. If you get constantly rolled as survivor or killer, say to yourself "This match, it's not about getting a 3k or even a 2k, it's about hitting some good hits with my power". Same on survivor, "It doesn't matter if we get anyone out or not, I just want to see how many gens we can do and hold a decent chase". Suddenly it doesn't feel so bad when your whole team dies at 3 gens, because hey, at least you had some good plays in there.
It also helps to play builds you enjoy and simply accept that you'll sometimes go up against killers and survivor teams that simply can't be beaten with such builds. The matchmaking is too unreliable at getting you into similarly skilled or even similar MMR lobbies to begin with so most matches are basically just a coinflip between the map you get, which teams has the most skill, and who has the most powerful build. Obviously gameplay matters a huge deal as well, but that's the one aspect you can control, so focus on that, and not the actual outcome as much since often you can play quite well and still have no chance to "win" with a 3 out or 3k.
I felt the same way at first, too. I think what caused it was focusing too much on movements and animations. As silly as it sounds, I started interpreting everything as an attempt to humiliate me or assert dominance over me. But when I started looking at the game for what it is; a simulation game with regular players who just want to play like me, it stopped affecting me negatively. I don't come into matches with a competitive mindset either.
When I face a player who tries to be toxic for no reason, my first reaction is embarrassment for them. What can they actually do to me? crouch repeatedly? spam their attack or force me to wait on the ground for few minutes?
It's annoying when I just want to play without dealing with players like that. But ultimately I see it as nothing more than something stupid, that isn't even worth the time to takes to mention.
I think what also helped me was playing what I enjoy and focusing on that. If playing Killer is making me upset, I'm not going to find excuses to keep playing. A game isn't supposed to stress us out.
Just take it alittle bit serious, but if you win/lose base your feelings off other factors. E.G. if you're killer sucks on a particular map, losing doesn't feel as bad.