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skull merchant should be Illegal

The_singularity The_singularity
in General Discussions

Official Notice of Prohibited Entities and Gameplay Hazards

Subject: The Skull Merchant (aka Adriana Imai)Status: ILLEGAL under the Fog’s Fair Play Act, Section 13: “Unlawful Campers and Drone Abusers.”Date: November 2025Classification: Fun Crime of the Highest Order

Summary

After extensive investigation, The Entity’s Department of Player Experience has determined that The Skull Merchant constitutes a hazard to fun, sanity, and match pacing. Her continued presence in the Fog poses unacceptable risks to Survivors, Killers, and random Solo Q players alike.

Effective immediately, the Skull Merchant is to be considered illegal, pending full rework or personality transplant.

Evidence of Criminal Activity

1. Illegal Surveillance Practices

The Skull Merchant deploys four fully autonomous war drones, which violate:

  • Survivor privacy rights (Section 3.2, “No Spyware in the Fog”)
  • Basic decency
  • The Geneva Convention, probably

Players report being “monitored,” “pinged,” and “emotionally demolished” while attempting to touch a single generator.

Verdict: Unlawful stalking.

2. Gen Zone Terrorism

Merchants are known to:

  • Lock down 3 generators tighter than a vault door
  • Patrol the same 12 square meters for 30 minutes
  • Pretend this is strategy, when it’s actually emotional damage

Verdict: Illegal confinement of Survivors (Class A Gen Stall).

3. Time Theft

Average match duration against Skull Merchant:27 years (approximate).

Players report graduating school, finding love, and retiring before the first hook state resolves.

Verdict: Grand larceny of time.

4. Cruel and Unusual Gameplay

Repeated exposure to Skull Merchant causes:

  • Nightmares involving beeping drones
  • Perk-based trauma (Overclock PTSD)
  • Reflexive fear of any loud ping sound in real life

Verdict: Violation of the Fog’s Anti-Torture Statute.

5. False Advertising

Despite being called a “Merchant,” she sells nothing.No wares. No discounts. No trade offers. Only despair.

Verdict: Fraudulent branding.

Known Associates

  • The Knight: Fellow founder of the “5-Minute Chase, 25-Minute Patrol Club.”
  • Trapper: Occasionally invited to gen-stalling support groups.
  • No One: Because no one wants to play with her.

Player Safety Recommendations

If you encounter a Skull Merchant in the wild:

  1. Stay calm. Panic feeds her drones.
  2. Do NOT touch the generator under surveillance. It belongs to her now. Forever.
  3. Run to a corner of the map and accept your fate.
  4. File an official complaint to Behaviour with the subject line: “Please, we’ve suffered enough.”
  5. Take a break — drink water, go outside, remember what joy feels like.

Sentencing Recommendation

The Fog Enforcement Bureau recommends the following penalties:

Offense

Punishment

Excessive camping of 3-gens

30 years in Hook Jail

Abusing drones for harassment

Removal of all batteries

Making Survivors DC out of despair

1 mandatory match as Clown

Crimes against fun

Permanent exile to Raccoon City basement

Conclusion

The Skull Merchant has been found guilty on all counts of:

  • First-degree gen camping
  • Second-degree boredom
  • Third-degree emotional trauma

Until further notice, she is banned under the Fog Fairness Act and shall remain illegal until Behaviour Interactive provides either:

  1. A complete rework, or
  2. A public apology from her drones.

Filed by:The Fog Enforcement Bureau, Division of Anti-Meta OperationsSigned: Dwight Fairfield, Head of Survivor AffairsWitnessed by: Claudette Morel (hiding in a bush nearby)

Tagged: Killers

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