My self-consciousness wont allow me to play killer
I've played killer and survivor 50/50 for most of my time in dbd (2.4k hours), and I've enjoyed both sides, however over the 2 years of BHVR's neglect, letting dead hard run free for over 9 months completely broke my psyche. I've been on an entire year break, and have come back. I've played quite a bit of survivor, but every single time I queue up for killer, as soon as I get into a lobby, I leave. Memories of the constant psychological abuse from toxic survivors that harrass, and the incredible stress of playing killer extremely competitvely since the introduction of MMR has broke me down.
My body literally refuses to play a killer game. I can't do it. And I love killer. I love the gameplay, the themes, the experience. I've had so many kind hearted and lovely survivors I've played against, but a small handful have completely removed the fun from playing it.
I don't have anything else to really say, I'm not complaining to you BHVR, or want to make a big deal out of anything, but I just wanted to state my experience, and how its affected me psychologically.
Comments
Mental health is such a delicate thing, it's actually a good thing that you recognize triggers and take appropriate care. Just going into the lobby as killer though is good exposure for yourself, even if you don't end up going through with the match. Maybe one day you'll be in there and think, hey I think I can actually do this. But it's okay if you can't. Take care.
Then it sounds like you're doing the right thing for you, which is not playing killer. Your mental health is way more important than playing some random video game.
Depending on how bad it is, you could try to play less competitive (who cares, if you don't kill 4 people as long as you have fun?) and deactivate the end game chat. Also, something I recommend to every killer player, who struggles with this, is to avoid going to open exit gates. The survivors might be busy showing off their butt dancing moves and trying to ridicule you but as long as you aren't there, they're just making fools of themselves. Plus, there might still be a few pallets and breakable walls up, that you can destoy for extra BP.
Ultimately, do what's right for you. If that means not playing killer, then that's fine. It's just a game and games are meant to be fun. When you're not having fun, then there is no reason to play the game.
This.
Could try playing against bots. That's what I do sometimes when trying a new killer. Less stress about bringing your A game, ya know?
Even after 6 years, this post is still relevant as back when it was written. Thats actually crazy, when you wrap your head around it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/deadbydaylight/comments/60j6se/hi_im_a_dead_by_daylight_player_and_psychologist/
When I started playing, I thought I would only ever play Killer because it would be too triggering to play Survivor and feel that I was being chased or hunted. After a few months, it turned out that the opposite was true -- Survivor is very peaceful and doesn't bother me at all; Killer triggers all of my insecurities about being rejected and bullied by a group of people and, whenever that happened, it bothered me a lot.
Now, I play Killer if I need to for an event or the Rift, and sometimes I have fun -- but I always kind of have to steel myself when I go into the Killer lobby. Like, instead of being excited to have fun and play a game, I'm like, "Well, this might be an ordeal..."