TRAPPED in an EXIT GATE by TOXIC SURVIVORS (not clickbait!!)
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse for killers, I was on the receiving end of a disgusting new exploit by toxic survivors (with hatemail (there's no hatemail)).
Look, i'm an honest Trapper. I barely make 14 Iri shards an hour at my full-time job, and it's hard work. On some days, I don't even get a single survivor, and my boss is constantly displeased by my work. If that isn't enough, I constantly have to deal with wood being dropped on my giant head, my photosensitivity being abused, and my traps being popped and left like they're playing hopscotch with 'em. If I don't shape up, my boss is gonna send me in for a rework, whether I like it or not.
But today was the dealbreaker.
I got sent to a weird pig factory after the survivors threw an entire jigsaw puzzle at me, and I couldn't even get a single hook. Survivors exploiting my xylophobia, spraining my leg from kicking so many pallets, seeing more action from my traps than the survivors.. it was rough.
And then, the moment of truth. Gate beeps, and everyone's inside. I ran in to see if I could catch one, but.. I knew there was no point. I'd lost. My boss was going to be so mad. I turned to leave..
But I couldn't. My arms and legs were stuck, frozen in place. I look around in horror as the survivors surrounded me, rears presented, forcing me to watch in horror as they conducted their foul ritual.
And they buttdanced. For two, agonizing minutes, no doubt extended by their strange temporal powers, they wiggled their butts at me, my power sapped with every squat. When I was finally released, it was too late-- they left at 119 seconds, giving me one last tbag just before my boss came to take care of it himself.
I managed to get an interview with a survivor known for perpetrating this kind of exploit, who we will only refer to as John Warcrimer, and he explained it all to me: apparently, by combining the power of all their behinds, the fourfold shockwaves sent out in unison by their clapping cheeks wreaked havoc on my body and numbed all my nerves, instantly paralyzing me for as long as their sick and twisted game went on.
BHVR, PLEASE do something about this. I'm starting to accumulate serious nerve damage, and my boss is already on my case enough as it is!
Comments
What a piece of beautifully written heart-wrenching poetry. Thank you for this.
i-
Was your boss pleased or displeased?
My boss brought back ranks just so they could take all of mine away.
I swear the Entity really needs to be on one of those Undercover Boss shows.
Lmao why does the 2nd paragraph read as if it's the Trapper's 'about me' on Hooked On You? 💀🤣